The Fleeting Fire of Eye Contact

Why is eye contact so important?

---

“Eye contact is the gateway to the soul” - Herman Melville

Isn't it uncanny? We can tell so much from a look into someone's eyes. Just in a glance we unravel emotions, conflict, and affection from the micro-expressions in each other's eyes.

It amazes me the power we have through eye contact. The majority of communication is nonverbal-about 55%. Through a glance and a smile, is all it takes to brighten someone's day.

---

Chemical Intimacy in a Glance

Have you ever shared a look-you know the kinda look I'm talking about- with a friend. It's as if you've had a whole conversation without uttering a syllable. That's intimacy.

The intimacy eye-contact creates in mere seconds is unmatched.

When you make mutual eye-contact, the hormones oxytocin and phenylethylamine are released in your brain. Oxytocin is often known as the love hormone, released during hugs, handshakes and general physical touch.

But phenylethylamine is the real game changer. It's a hormone that makes you feel on top of the world. The chemical mirrors the effects of stimulants, making you feel as if you're on top of the world, and it's released during eye contact.

To put in perspective how revolutionary that is, a comparison of when it's released would be when you skydive or cliff jump.

That's the chemical side of eye contact, but what filters through the language barrier of the brain to us?

---

The Understanding of A Glance

Stop! Take a minute here.

When you make direct eye-contact with someone, what's the first thing you feel? Is that feeling different when your looking at a friend versus a stranger?

Eye-contact signals understanding. When someone gazes into our eyes, they are paying attention to us and what we're saying. Among few integral human needs, we seek to understand and be understood.

By gazing into your eyes, you feel warm and fuzzy. Someone's paying attention to what you're saying, they are trying to understand you. They care.

Art by Kathryn Ann May

---

Eye Contact is Fleeting

Eye contact might be powerful, but don't go around doing it all the time. Mutual eye contact takes up a minimal amount of our social communication.

About 5% actually. We stare into eachother's eyes for up to 9 seconds before looking away, otherwise eye contact gives you a shudder.

It goes from being interpreted as an understanding gaze, a yea they get me, to a form of intimidation and maybe aggression. It’s uncomfortable, and is a surefire way to finish a conversation ASAP.

Although eye contact is short-lived-flying by, it is significant to our social behavior. A smile and a glance can genuinely brighten someone's day!

Art by Armin Mersmann

---

Take Eye Contact Action!

Smile and share a glance with a stranger today! Or share a glance with a friend, depending on your culture smiling at a stranger can be seen as a bit odd. I wouldn't know since I'm from the Midwest US, we smile at each other all the time!

A Little Warning About Eye Contact

For those who are on the spectrum, eye contact isn't an easy thing. It's often emotionally and physically draining. That's ok! Eye contact is only one of many ways to connect with others. You are not inherently wrong for not caring for eye contact, you are enough as you are. If you're uncomfortable with eye contact, try looking at someone at the spot in-between their eyes or at their nose.

It gives the appearance of eye contact without engaging in it! If that's uncomfortable, try other ways of giving understanding. I'm planning to do an article on pebbling soon, but if you've heard of something a friend or family member likes-say, Formula 1. Send them a Formula 1 video or ask about the recent race. It shows consideration and care :)

---

Resources to Learn More

In this post, I've provided the tip of the iceberg info on eye contact. I hope it's helpful! If you'd like to learn more here's a few sources:

1. The Power of Eye Contact by Michael Ellsberg - Ellsberg takes a more functional perspective on eye contact and how it can help you in your professional and personal life. It's rated 4.3 stars on Amazon and is most likely available at your local library!

2. If you're a little nerdy like me, consider checking out this new Japanese study on why eye contact is so special! Or, also like me, skim the article and pour over the abstract. This study takes a look at the mimicry and inter-brain social connection when we make eye contact. Check it out!

---

Thanks for reading today everyone! I hope you were able to get a lot out of this. I always have fun writing these posts!

Before I sign off, I wanted to try something. This publication and community is dedicated to you. I want to support your interests and projects, so let me know what you want to read more about! Whether that's more researched articles like this one, productivity plans, or musings and reflections, let me know!

Send me a message by clicking this button and I'll reply as soon as I can!

Thanks and until next teatime,

Kate